i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
