Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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