come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
