Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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