Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My life is pants optional.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
