Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
