my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
