phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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