I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
