The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
