So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
