I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
