i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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