I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
