help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
