I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
