Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
