We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
