Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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