your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
