If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize