I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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