Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
