ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
