Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
