I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
