I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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