She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dicks are not precious.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
