I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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