**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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