i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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