Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
