my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
