I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
