wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
