I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
