Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
