And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
