Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
