Where did you get a picture of my penis
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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