I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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