Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
where am i from again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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