is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
