Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.