why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
