I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
