Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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