on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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