I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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