remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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