I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
