me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
