Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
