Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
