Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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