too bad you live with your parents still
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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