there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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