I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
