I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
