ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
