"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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