I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
