glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
