Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
