hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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