Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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