You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
