his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
