No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
