so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
