I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
