I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
